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6 reasons why we're not getting a cat

7 reasons why we’re not getting a cat

February 14, 2017

Through the course of my life, my family owned quite a lot of animals (except the fish – I always wanted a fish). First, there was a dog, quite a few farm animals, ranging from chicken to goats, I even heard some stories about me being afraid of pigs, but can’t remember anything about them. When we were teenagers, my sister owned some mice, a shitload of rabbits, a bat – for a few days, until he got better, and, despite all my efforts to prevent it from happening, a dog. A beautiful husky named Ari.

6 reasons why my girlfriend and I are not getting a cat, Ari the beautiful husky.

It doesn’t matter how much I try tried, I will always dislike dogs. Before you judge me, let me tell you a story. When I was around 12-13 years old, I regularly started running longer and longer distances. Living in Kamnik, Slovenia, meant that I was surrounded by countless forests and farms which I knew pretty much by heart. Quite so often, I ran alone and passed a few unleashed dogs with not so friendly agendas. Still got the scars to prove it. I quickly learned how to deal with smaller/medium dogs, but was terrified of larger ones.

A few incidents happened, but luckily nothing major. Well, at least until I got my first job as a paperboy, when I got the opportunity to deliver local newspaper for a few years in a local village. I knew every house, every road and pretty much enjoyed my first working experience. One day, following my standard route I arrived at a party or celebration of some sorts by a larger house. Usually, if people were outside, I would give them the paper personally. It was not unusual and I waved at the owners, which recognized me and approached, as I grabbed their paper from my bag. It was not long into the conversation when their large German Shepherd, who was usually on a leash started running around us. The owner probably noticed my fear, but calmly said that I had nothing to worry about. Right at that moment, the dog stopped running and grabbed my leg and didn’t let go. I don’t remember the next few moments, but, with the help of the owner, I got free and just rode away. My leg was hurting like hell, even though there wasn’t a lot of blood, that moment probably ruined all the love towards usually beloved animals.

6 reasons why my girlfriend and I are not getting a cat, cat scene from Hamo & Tribute 2 Love Gospa Magister music video

Since then, I classified myself as a cat person. If I had to choose, it will always be a cat. Well, until I lived with one. And this is where I start my list of 6 7 reasons why we’re not getting a cat, as my better half specifically expressed her wish to own one.

1. Cats are the reason why we can’t have nice things

"Your nice things belong to me." -Cat #thankyouuvfilter

A post shared by Marko Alpner (@marko_alpner) on

You can always be careful, when it comes to your most prized possessions, but cats only need one small chance to screw it up. Thank god, it was only the UV filter.

2. Hair, hair everywhere. Hair.

You can buy a cartfull of hair removal products every month, but for a guy who owns 90% of black clothes, this is a nightmare. Every departure from the apartment took 5-10 minutes longer than I was accustomed to, only to realise upon arrival to an important meeting, that I brushed my jacket, but not the t-shirt.

3. Cats like tech

As a guy who sits most of the day behind a computer, dealing with complicated problems, distractions are a bad idea. Guess who likes to “pop-up” at most inconvenient time in a “no-no” location. I admit, I absolutely hate people touching my screens, but animals. Arrrrrrrrrrrrghhh! Where’s my microfiber cloth?!

PS: Also, I didn’t buy Das Keyboard for her majesty to sit/lie/lick herself on. Noup!

4. I’ll just sit here, but don’t you dare pet me

Scratches everywhere. Why own a fluffy thing, when you’re not allowed to pet it, if she’s not in the mood.

5. Animals are an obligation

You need to buy a shi*load of food, cat litter, scratching posts, toys, every few months there’s probably a need to visit the veterinarian. “Here, let me hold your cat for 20 seconds. Hmmm. She seems fine. That will be 40 €.” Also, you have to be home to feed the thing. I work two jobs, especially at the weekends my usual working hours are 10 AM – 4 AM. I know, there’s not a mathematician in the world who can find a solution for this.

6. But’ I really want a cat

I know darling, they are pretty and fluffy and they purr, but …

6 reasons why my girlfriend and I are not getting a cat

© blackmomba/imgur.com


EDIT – 23. 9. 2017

7. Yeah, about that …

Her name is ‘Pošast’.

Cat Pošast